we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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