the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
