when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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