I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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