is your mom at the bar?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
