Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
