I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize