But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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