I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
