Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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