ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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