What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
