# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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