I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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