OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I puked a lego.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
