I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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