I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize