because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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