I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
