remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
