So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
