I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
