Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
