he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
third nipple confirmed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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