his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
