Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
