You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
