I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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