No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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