i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
