yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize