I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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