I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
