Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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