so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
only you would photoshop your dick
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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