I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize