I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
