the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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