i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
