Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
