Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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