Screwed.edu
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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