just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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