i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize