I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
