I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
