I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
