I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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