So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
