I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
