The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
