your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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