Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
