how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
