im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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