never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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