Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sarcasm needs its own font
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize