There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just want to make out with him forever
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
