This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
