Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
