He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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